Game show

HT Brunch Game Show: Sharing access codes and bank accounts – who navigates best in the personal space?

Alfa Satyajit, 29 years oldStore manager

Bony Sasidharan, 40 years old, hair specialist

Bony and Alfa use each other’s phones

Have lived together since:

One year.

Do you have each other’s passwords?

We exchanged passwords over the phone, not on social media, when we first started living together. We use other people’s phones to use apps in their phones.

Do you think you give your partner enough space?

We have a tacit understanding. For example, Alfa needs me in the morning, so Bony stays away.

Do you also meet friends separately?

Yes, more than twice a week.

How much personal time do you have?

We watch something separately twice a week. If we need more space, we say so.

Do you plan each other’s finances?

We don’t have a joint account or investments, but we follow each other’s investment and spending advice. We share household expenses.

Charu Mendiratta, 39 years oldBrand Merchandiser & Jitin Gupta, 39 years oldcomputer salesman

Charu forgets his passwords, so Jitin has to remind him

Married since:

Eight years.

Do you have each other’s passwords?

Yes, since we got married. Charu forgets his passwords, so Jitin remembers them! We don’t mind if the other person is on the phone. We never snooped, even tempted.

Do you think you give your partner enough space?

We value our own space. When one of us travels, the other misses it.

Do you also meet friends separately?

Most of our friends are mutual friends. So we usually hang out together.

How much personal time do you have?

We come back from work in the same place in separate cars just to give space!

Do you plan each other’s finances?

We have joint savings and an account.

Umang Vanshika, 31, sales and training manager & Vikram Dhindaw, 33, creative director

Vikram and Umang meet with friends separately three times a month

Have lived together since:

Two years.

Do you have each other’s passwords?

No. And we made a point of it. We never went through each other’s emails or Instagram etc.

Do you think you give your partner enough space?

We work in separate rooms but cook and shop together. We realized that being direct instead of sulking or being passive aggressive works better and is productive.

Do you also meet friends separately?

We have our individual groups of friends, whom we meet at least three times a month.

How much personal time do you have?

It is completely normal for us to sit in different rooms and do our own thing.

Do you plan each other’s finances?

We don’t discuss money.

And the winner is… All three

“Grow together, not interfere”

“All are winners because they all understand what space is. When these building blocks of trust and communication are there, you don’t even feel the need for space,” says Dr Jyoti Kapoor, adding, “When you are together, individuality often takes a back seat and you need to work as a team to build a life together. Not sharing passwords is fine, as is knowing and not spying. If we don’t give our partner the space to be who they are, resentment sets in. Space is important because each individual needs a sense of self-worth.

Tips for giving yourself space:

Space doesn’t always mean physical space, but it’s about respecting everyone’s boundaries. Think of your partner as someone who had a life before you. Do separate things that you enjoy. Accept everyone’s choices and preferences. If your partner is having a hard time and doesn’t want to share, let them. Communication is essential. The idea is to grow together and not interfere.

From HT Brunch, February 13, 2022

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